Apr
19

What To Do About Criticism

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CRITICISM DEFINED

So often in my work with couples I see the destructive effect criticism can have on a relationship.   Criticism is a behaviour that can be toxic to a relationship.  It erodes away positive feelings over time and leads to other problematic behaviours that can destroy a relationship.

If you read on you will learn 17 ways on how to deal with
criticism to help build a healthy relationship.

The main problem with criticism is that it can pave the way for the negative attitude called contempt.

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Categories : Relationships
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Ten facts about LONELINESS:

Loneliness does not depend on how many friends or relationships you have.

Loneliness depends entirely on the subjective quality of your relationships—on whether you feel emotionally and/or socially disconnected from those around you.  That is why…

More than 60% of lonely people are married.

When married couples no longer share their deepest feelings, thoughts, and experiences with one another it can leave them feeling disconnected and alone.  People in such relationships truly believe their spouse cannot offer them the deep connection they would like. While their fears might be correct, they might also stem from the fact that…

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Categories : Life's Challenges
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Apr
16

Blame it on Testosterone?

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Happy Easter to you all, and may you all have a safe long weekend.

The other day I was thinking about the way we always say, “Drive carefully”, and “Be safe”, etc. It’s almost like there’s a lack of trust in one’s driving. But, of course, the truth is that we are simply showing that we care. But what about the other drivers on the road? We can’t speak for them, and there are some drivers, yes, you must have seen them, they seem like they are possessed with some sort of death wish; completely in denial that they are ‘expert’ drivers…”See how skillfully I can zigzag between the traffic and the lanes into the tiniest of gaps!”

I see it all the time on my way to and from work. And you know, until very recently, I used to feel annoyed. I could feel the angst building up in me, watching the craziness of it all. But what is more, I used to react by trying to show them that their crazy driving was getting them nowhere. I showed them by making sure I arrived at the next set of traffic lights – alongside them (amongst other devious tactics which I’m too ashamed to mention!)

But I said, ‘until recently’, and I’ll tell you why… Read More→

Categories : Life's Challenges
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One way to prevent an argument from escalating…

When I was younger I had a huge ego and differences of opinion with loved ones (funny it’s always with the ones we love, and not our mates?) used to make me defensive, and an argument would ensue, sometimes escalating into ugliness.

Well, I now know better, but it took me a long time.

During a coaching session one day this man, we’ll call him Steve, was telling me about a very similar issue that he was having with his partner.  He told me that he could always tell when he was getting irate when he felt his face would get hot and he felt his chest getting tense.

Long story short, I asked him how he felt after an argument had escalated.  He said he felt like s**t. Read More→

Categories : Relationships
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Jun
19

What To Do If You Are Bullied

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More than 1 in 5 youth between the ages of 12 and 18 are bullied at school.

This bullying is often extended into the area of social media.

There is the bullying that causes physical pain and suffering.  Then there is that which causes mental pain and suffering.

The negative repercussions of either form can result in suppressed social abilities and limitations in both family and work environments, at one end of the scale, to suicidal tendencies at the other. Read More→

Categories : Life's Challenges
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Ok, so you’re smart, funny, and genuinely good at heart. And you have ideas that could solve many problems. You could be the perfect partner, parent, or friend. But something holds you back and you don’t always live up to that potential.

Something tells you that your ideas are not worth announcing in public.

Something keeps you from sharing your interesting stories.

Something stops you from giving all you’ve got, and taking all you need, from your closest relationships.

Even though you know that you can be so much more, deep down you have a nagging feeling that you are not worthy of greatness, joy, and happiness. This something is called low self-esteem and is keeping you from living your life to the fullest. Read More→

Categories : Life's Challenges
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Jun
19

Why Listen?

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You’re at a dinner party. Someone is telling anecdotes; someone is complaining; someone is bragging about his promotion. Everyone there is eager to talk, to tell his or her story. Suddenly you get the feeling that no one is listening. While the talk goes on, you notice that people’s eyes wander. They are perhaps rehearsing their own remarks. It’s as if they have secretly agreed, “I’ll be an audience for you if you’ll be an audience for me.” The party may be a success, but people go home without really hearing or knowing each other. Read More→

Categories : Life's Challenges
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